This Machine Killed Cancer

It’s been three weeks since I got home from the hospital, which means I am a lazy blogger.  The first week and a half, everything I did felt like climbing a mountain.  I found myself having to rest in between each action.  Between putting on my underwear and putting on my pants, I’d have to sit in a chair and chant “you can do this” over and over to myself.  I was still throwing up a lot and I slept 16 hours a day.  But I wasn’t in the hospital.  That’s important.

I slowly started dragging my ass out of the house - to the coffeeshop, to my in-laws house, to the top of a parking deck where my friend Heather was shooting a music video for her band Mt. Moriah (look for me and Rebekah when it comes out - I ride by on a skateboard and Rebekah dances around in a fantastic tutu).  I realized that, no matter how bad it felt, I had to start getting off the couch and living life again.  If I waited to feel better, I wouldn’t know when to begin.  So I didn’t wait.  I went out and saw the world.  Besides, I felt like crap all year and lived through it, what was a few more weeks?

I may have pushed a bit too hard, because I came down with a nasty cold - probably from being at the mall for my niece’s birthday.  It seemed like a scary setback, but when I saw my oncologist she said, “Nope, it’s just a cold.  Everyone gets them.”  A week later and it is mostly gone.  And somewhere in that week the leaden weights fell away.  Getting out of bed stopped seeming like such a Herculean task.  I’m still weak, and will be for a long time to come, but I feel at least as good as I did this summer in between hospital stays.

On December 13th I go back to the hospital for scans to check on the disease.  The hope is that it’s gone, considering the massive amount of drugs we just threw at it.  After the scans I’ll start radiation treatment on my head and chest to make absolutely sure that the cancer is gone and won’t come back.  This is a little like grilling a hamburger and then popping it in the microwave, just to make sure it’s done, but since we’re talking about cancer and not salmonella, we figure better safe than sorry.  The radiation will probably knock me back down the sick ladder, but hopefully not for too long.

It is strange to go for weeks at a time now without seeing a doctor.  Part of me gets freaked out that they’re not checking my levels every day.  But mostly it is really nice not to be at the hospital all the time.  The one year anniversary of my diagnosis came and went last week.  I thought it was going to be a difficult day, but I actually forgot all about it.  Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of me and Rebekah getting married.  Chances are good I’ll probably forget about that one too.  Whoops. (Actually, we’re acknowledging but not celebrating - the date is too tied up in the cancer diagnosis and we didn’t get to have an actual wedding with ALL of our friends and family present … once we get to do that we’ll start celebrating anniversaries).

So that’s where I’m at right now.  I hope everyone enjoys their Thanksgiving this year.  Last year, I got robbed of the holiday (total bummer because it’s my favorite one).  This year I’m eating twice as much to make up.  I hope you have as much to be thankful for as we do!